FLATTERY VS PRAISE

So what’s the difference between acknowledgment/praise and flattery?

Flattery is divisive. It’s a tool to show praise in exchange for self-gain, loyalty, power and authority. It’s used too often in church politics to bring someone to your side.

Psalm 12:2

Everyone lies to their neighbor; they flatter with their lips, but harbor deception in their hearts.

I’ve used flattery to my benefit. And if I’m honest, either consciously or subconsciously, I still do. So how do I battle the temptation to resort to such a cheap tool?

I try to ask myself a few questions before offering up praise publicly or privately to my team:

• Would I offer this praise if I had nothing to gain from it?
• Would I offer this praise if that person wasn’t even on my team?
• Are these my true feelings or an exaggeration?
• Do I say one thing to my team member and something completely different to a staff leader?

For example:

What you say to a team member: “John, you did an AMAZING job this weekend up there! Your guitar playing was KILLER!”

What you say to a staff member: “John did better than average this weekend, but still has a long way to go before he’s stellar. I’ll give him a little pep talk to boost his confidence”

You didn’t help anyone.

In fact, you gave your team member an overinflated view of themselves and their abilities with nowhere to go. Where do you go from “Awesome”?

What you should have said: “John, that’s the best I’ve heard you play! I can really tell you are putting time in to practice. Keep it up!”

I’m not saying to not use words like ‘Awesome’ and ‘Killer’ just weigh the words meaning against the situation. If the person truly did something that absolutely floored you, then by all means, TELL THEM!

When you FEEL it. SAY It.

There are also the leaders that don’t offer any praise on a normal basis. In How Full is Your Bucket?, the majority of people said their biggest frustration with their employer is that they are not acknowledged for a job well done.

There are also the leaders that don’t offer any praise on a normal basis.

YIKES! As church leaders, we can do better!

Since reading How Full is Your Bucket, I’ve made it an annual goal to send 60 ‘Bucket Filling’ notes to my team, family and friends a year.

Five emails or notes a month showing my genuine appreciation. It’s not that hard. I keep a checklist in my journal to keep me accountable for sending these notes each month.

Generously dole out the honest praise/recognition your team deserves. They need it. You have no idea what their week was like. You have no idea what a simple gesture can do to change a mood. It’s not that hard and your incredible team deserves it.